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The Spastic Mood Swings of a Rat-Hearted Girl [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Rat Momma

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RIP Buffy, 2008-2011 [Mar. 9th, 2011|09:50 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |melancholymelancholy]

Yesterday, at about 5:15 PM, the littlest love of my life died in my arms. Buffy had a stroke a few days ago, and her old body was too weak to recover. Chris called me while I was at work to let me know she wasn't doing well, and I rushed home. My darling rat hung on just long enough for me to say goodbye. She was barely able to move anymore, but she managed to lift her head as I petted her and thanked her for being mine. Then she was gone.

Buffy and Sniffle were our heart-rats--our firsts, the family Chris and I built when we started our adult life together. Important and irreplaceable aren't strong enough words for how we feel about them. There will be other rats, but there will never be another Buffy. When I saw that beautiful, tiny, blonde rodent pushing and shoving her littermates around at the pet store, I just knew, That's my little slayer. And she was. Constantly pouncing on Sniffle to wrestle, nipping my legs when she wanted more bed-space, snatching the food from my dinner plate, running on her noisy wheel at 3 AM... She was an incorrigible little shit, and I loved her more than anything in the world. I always will.

Loving a rat is like taking all the warmth and affection of a lifelong human friendship and densely packing it down into the short, short span of just 2-3 years. The joy of being together is incredibly intense, as is the pain of saying goodbye for the last time. There was no injury, worry, or nuisance that Buffy couldn't ease for me. When Sniffle died, she slept on my pillow and licked my tears away. When I was stressed out about work, all I had to do was nuzzle her little shoulders and inhale the lovely scent of her fur to slow my heart. Buffy was the pet, but so often, it felt like she was the one taking care of me. The knowledge that I would be coming home to her made every bad day more bearable. Being a part of Buffy's life was such a privilege, and living the rest of mine without her will be a challenge.

She's under the pomegranate tree with her sister, now. The next time its fruit ripens, Chris and I are each going to eat one and remember the short, sweet chapter of our lives inhabited by the best rats that ever were.

Phootshootz [Feb. 22nd, 2011|05:28 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |sicksick]
[Current Music |Angel (The Series)]

Just posted some new Coraline and fetishy/latex photos up at Flickr! They're all unedited/preproduction shots, but I'm happy with them. Copyright goes to Rocky of Trillance.com. Click on the thumbnails to see the sets. =o)

Link6 Rat Kisses|Slurp, Slurp

An Update Full of Updatey Updateness [Aug. 24th, 2010|11:28 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[Current Music |"Cosmic Love" - Florence + the Machine]

Hi. I miss you, LiveJournal. No matter how uneventful my friends list gets, no matter how long I stay away, I will always come back--if only for the occasional, lazily bulleted/categorized update of my life. And so it goes...

Day Job
After nearly four years of hard, brain-sweaty work, I have been promoted to assistant marketing manager. My paycheck no longer depresses me, and I have my very own office! Witness the beauty that is Jenn's not-so-corporate lair!

My favorite corner, complete with black lace trim on the walls, awesome movie posters, and nice artwork, including a print of johannakatt's wonderful piece Horror Vacui. MoreCollapse )  

Love Life
Chris and I are closing in on our seven-year anniversary. We don't know if we'll ever get married or have babies, but we love the shit out of each other, and for now, that's more than enough. <3 Recently, we took a week-long trip to Hawaii, and besides my getting sick (like I always do on vacation), it was great.

We went ziplining, there--sooo, so much fun! We also did your standard Hawaiian sight-seeing.Collapse )

My parents recently had to put my Grandma Jensen in an assisted-living home. The situation is absolute shit. I feel badly for my grandma, who was always so proud of her independence; but I feel even worse for my dad, who loves her, takes care of her, and gets no gratitude for it. I wish I could be more help or comfort to him right now, but it's difficult, since I live an hour away and work full time. =o( 

On a happier note, Chris and I have added a new member to our rat family. Our neighbor works at a science lab that does testing on rats, and they recently got a new shipment of test-subjects in. There was one too many in the shipment; and had our neighbor not smuggled her out, the company would have "sacrificed" her. Luckily, she was successfully rescued and welcomed into the most loving rat home imaginable. We named her Bonus. ;) Here she is, snuggling with her new big sister Buffy:

I've continued to participate in some recreational modeling on the weekends and have most recently updated my Flickr with a new set from Adam Gross's "The Hyde Project." I'm pretty proud of these ones. (Click on the thumbnails to see larger versions at Flickr.)

The Hyde Project The Hyde Project The Hyde Project 

I'm still drawing whenever I can make the time, and have gotten a few recent commissions, which is nice (yay extra cash!) Here's a semi-new experiment in digital art--Fancy Rats! (There's lots more new stuff at my deviantART gallery.)


Link13 Rat Kisses|Slurp, Slurp

So This Is Love [Jun. 12th, 2010|02:48 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |amusedamused]
[Current Music |Ghost Adventures]

Typical Conversation in the Vinyard-Jensen Household:

CHRIS: [Commenting on Zak Bagans of Ghost Adventures] Ugh, that guy is so stupid.

JENN: Stupid like a fox.

CHRIS: You mean stupid like a retard.

 Whatever, dude. I bet Zak gets way more money and pussy than you ever will.

CHRIS: ...Thanks, source of pussy.
Link5 Rat Kisses|Slurp, Slurp

Return of the Camwhore [Apr. 20th, 2010|11:21 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |The Daily Show with Jon Stewart]

I just needed to feel pretty, tonight. Been a while. =o)

Blue and Sparkly

A few more.Collapse )

Link18 Rat Kisses|Slurp, Slurp

Mostly Filler [Apr. 13th, 2010|07:26 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |satisfiedsatisfied]
[Current Music |"Found Myself" - Vermillion Lies (What's in the Box?)]

In my family, being able to eat more than anyone else at the table is like a badge of honor. We eat and eat and eat, and then reach for that third heaping plate to the cheers of our relatives. I think it comes from Mom, who grew up dirt-poor and appreciated every damn bite of food she ever got as a kid in Vietnam. When she came to the States, with its grocery stores full of fifty different kinds of every item, she filled the kitchen like she never could before and told her children, "EAT IT ALL." And so we did.

Needless to say, the way I've eaten most of my life has been ridiculously unhealthy. It's always "lots of salt, lots of cheese, lots of sauce, and more, more, more!" Now that I'm getting older and my metabolism is slowing down, my "eat until you have to unzip your pants" habit is catching up to my body. About a month ago, I weighed myself, realized I'd somehow gained ten pounds over the course of a year, and decided I needed to cut that shit out. These days, I'm trying to pay attention to what and mostly how much I eat. I'm learning to stop when I'm satiated, and it's enlightening. I'm finding all these holes in my life that I used to fill with food. Whenever I feel bored or run out of things to do, my first instinct is to go to the kitchen--even if I'm not hungry--and I have to fight that instinct. Before, the simple act of chewing and swallowing something tasty would serve as a sort of artificial stand-in for satisfaction. Now, I know better. Now, instead of eating to pass the time, I try to do something with it--like write a LiveJournal entry. ;)

As a side benefit, I'm also gaining a purer appreciation for food. Actual hunger really is a fantastic seasoning, and I swear my taste buds are becoming more sensitive! Safeway's firecracker spinach salad is like, the best thing in the world. So is sweet white wine. I never thought I'd ever like wine! I'm changing, learning, growing, emptying, and refilling. Good stuff.
Link10 Rat Kisses|Slurp, Slurp

Priorities [Apr. 6th, 2010|01:34 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |okayokay]
[Current Music |"Livin' on a Prayer" - Bon Jovi!]

For my own reference, these are the things I want in life, in no particular order:
  • A House: I want my very own house, where I can paint the walls without worrying about landlords and play music extra, extra loudly without worrying about neighbors.
  • Rats: I never, ever want to be ratless again. The immense joy Sniffle gave me was worth the pain of having to say goodbye, and Buffy has been amazing. My day isn't complete until I've kissed her about two dozen times, at least.
  • Art: Whether it's drawing, modeling, writing, or playing piano, I must always have a creative outlet. It's impossible for me to feel fulfilled without one.
  • Self-Confidence/Beauty: Someday, I am going to feel absolutely happy with my body and the way I look. Someday.
  • Companionship: I'm not opposed to the idea of marriage and children, but those things aren't huge priorities. (In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd be okay with never having children; I don't really like them much, anyway.) What's most important is making genuine, loving connections. Being social is such a ridiculously exhausting task for me. I want more people in my life with whom I am completely comfortable being myself. So far, I've made this connection with my close family members, Chris, and Jess. Must make that list bigger.
...just so I don't lose focus.

PS: Totally unrelated, but look who's pictured in this io9 article! I was freaking out this morning. =oD
Link12 Rat Kisses|Slurp, Slurp

RIP Sniffle, 2008-2010 [Feb. 9th, 2010|05:14 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |depresseddevastated]

RIP SniffleMy Little Soul Rat,

I knew this day would come. I started worrying about it when we first brought you home and heard your frequent little sneezes--our "Sniffle" from the very start. The vet only gave you a month to live and insensitively suggested we take you back to the store for a "refund," but it was too late. We fell in love with you the moment we held you and decided that any time we got with you--even if it was only a few short weeks--would be wonderful. And it was. Almost two years later, I still can't believe how much I came to love you and your little sister. I've lost many other pets and a few human loved ones, but none of those losses can match the pain of your absence. Strange, that such a tiny thing could leave such a big hole in my life. I would've traded five years just to have one more with you.

When we buried you under the pomegranate tree, it was raining, and I foolishly worried about your being wet and cold down there. You always liked being warm and cozy in our big, fluffy comforters at home. I was scared to look at you before we put you in the ground--scared of what I'd see, scared of what I wouldn't see--but you were still perfect. Smooth fur, soft ears, pink tail, shiny eyes--even death couldn't ruin my memory of your being the most adorable thing I'd ever seen.

I'll miss the way your mysteriously wise, dark eyes got sleepy while you were being petted. I'll miss the wonderful way your fur always looked and smelled. I'll miss the way you'd make huge, fearless leaps just to get to anything I was eating. I'll miss watching you swiftly stash all of your favorite bits of food in your secret hiding places around the bedroom (Buffy's already raided your stash in the shoebox). I'll miss nuzzling the space between your ears and your amazingly soft, round belly. I'll miss cheering you on during the few occasions you'd get the upper hand on Buffy in a wrestling match. I'll miss seeing you cling to the cage bars with your pink little fingers, waiting to greet me after a hard day at work. I'll miss everything.

If there is a place across a bridge somewhere, I hope you're happy there. I hope there are lots of blankets for you to chew up and treats for you to stash. I hope I'll see you there again someday. And if not--if there's nothing, and you're just gone--I'm still so grateful that we had you for as long as we did. We did our best to give you the happiest little rat life possible; I only wish we could've given you more of it. Good-bye, my baby. I'll love you always.

--Rat Momma

Rat Tattoo! [Nov. 23rd, 2009|10:06 am]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |happyhappy]
[Current Music |"Through the Trees" - Low Shoulder (Haha, shut up! It's a good song!)]


For my 25th birthday, I got a rat tattoo on my ankle. I've always said I'd never get a tattoo unless I could find something that I was sure would be important to me for the rest of my life, and I know I'm going to love my girls forever. Sniffle approves. That's her paw print on the right and Buffy's paw print on the left. For an explanation of "good-bye zipper," see this entry. It didn't hurt as much as I'd expected; and I am most pleased with the result; though whenever I take a shower and look down, I'm still surprised to see it there.

Side Note for LISIS!: I really, really loved the rat drawings you sent; but at sort of the last minute, I decided I wanted something simpler coupled with the words and paw prints. I'm adding your drawings to our rat wall, though; so the effort was not for naught! Thanks again for drawing them. =o)
Link12 Rat Kisses|Slurp, Slurp

Happy (Late) Halloween! [Nov. 1st, 2009|02:10 pm]
Rat Momma
[Current Mood |sickhungover]
[Current Music |Footloose]

I was Tank Girl:

Tank Girl 04 Girl U Want!Collapse )

We carved pumpkins (mine's Jack!), and then made lots of new drunk friends at the local bar:

Photobucket More!Collapse )

Also, Unrelated -- I posted new photos from a recent photoshoot on Flickr:
Fort Point
Fort Point
Link13 Rat Kisses|Slurp, Slurp

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